Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
