I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Found your dick twin last night
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
