She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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