My first STD was from a foam party
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
