i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I want to fling myself into the sun
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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