Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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