Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
