dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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