No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
