just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
