you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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