I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
