I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
