Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
