MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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