I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
