I'm gonna have a badass scar
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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