my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
