I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
