I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
