Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
