Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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