we have pet lesbian snakes
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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