wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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