I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
