i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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