period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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