South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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