after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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