its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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