I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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