my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize