I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
