so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
