So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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