i just had sex bonerless
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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