come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
