Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
