Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
