I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
