so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
