You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
