Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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