just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
