R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
