i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
