brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
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