I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
