Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
