I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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