Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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