well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Are we still banned from the library?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
