i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
