I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
