YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
