Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
