they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
