That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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