I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
