I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Found the puke drawer
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
