its not stalking. its research.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
