I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
