My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
