You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
