He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
