? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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