I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
