I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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