Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it because I queefed?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
