i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
