well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
