just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
