You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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